The End of an Era

This was, initially, going to be a full and detailed report on the great South African – New Zealand war, and how its impact on South African citizens will slowly make the yellow bass our national fish, but then I discovered that the leading “Earthanoids” have a brand new prerequisite assignment for me. Usually I would feel above such menial and mundane tasks, but tonight I will attempt to blend into your earth-grub ranks... Hooray for you.

Now, onto the issue at hand, well one of them for now. However, before I get started, I want to make one thing very clear; being a well over 900 year old Xel’Shorian, I have no peers among you Earthanoids, but I will, for the sake of this article, refer to the multitudes of earth-grubs that are attempting to study “Journalism and Media Studies 1” my peers, even though it kills me to say it. Now, moving on: the last five weeks of blogging have been a joy, Mooks, Cannibal and I have enjoyed having the freedom to say what we need to say, to free your people from the lies and hypocrisy, without being calling us horrid names like: “insane” and “Australians”. Blogging in general, as a genre, is a wonderful thing to say the least. Blogging provides all the information that we could possibly ask for; there are so many people with different opinions, view and ideals, that anything is possible. There can be no doubt in anyone’s mind, that blogging is a relevant and powerful form of journalism. What is even a bigger bonus is the fact that you can select what you want to read, and even comment on it. This brings me back to the first blog I looked at; what a terrible piece of writing I beheld that day, my instincts told me to flee and press the “back” button, but then I thought: “Hey, this person could use a little dose of constructive criticism”, and that’s what I did. Admittedly, they did not take it as well as I had hoped, but at least they had something passionate to write about in their next entry. With blogging, everybody wins! I get to say what is necessary, and people can write and grow as journalist. If anyone disagrees with me; just accept you are wrong and move on. The only people who would want to disagree, anyway, would be those individuals who see themselves as the “Jaded Crowd” of know-it-all’s, who have a need to curse and insult people for no reason, for no reason other than that they think it’s cool and clever.

As I have touched on already, I am not the type of person who swears/curses and insults people for no reason; which has proven to be of some use to me because it has not hindered or restrained me in what I write on the blog (or as we psychopaths like to call it: “The Tablet of Truth”), because you can write whatever you like, just so long as it does not amount to hate speech, slander or undermines anyone. There is a fine line that people must discover between criticism and insult. Let me elaborate by giving you an example; you cannot criticise a quadriplegic for being in a wheelchair, that would probably be belittling them, you would, however, criticise Jacob Zuma for telling the country that a shower will prevent the HIV/AIDS virus from infecting you. Thus you criticise a person’s mistakes, without openly calling them things like “you idiot”. You do not “criticise” someone in a wheelchair for being a quadriplegic because they cannot help their disability. Great, one more piece of this discussion out the way, onward to new, greener pastures!

To ensure that there is no hypocrisy here, I will now constructively criticise myself. I would say that I’ve grown, on a scale of 1 – 10, by a 7, there has been improvement, but I could have done more. I’ve become a better and more creative writer. I’ve learned to research better, and working in a group has become significantly easier. I could have done many more post (i.e. been more productive), as ideas come very easily to me, but time was a factor that was not on my side, but despite that, I still managed to put in quite a few extra postings. Enough of this, back to the important bits!

I was lucky to be in a group with three fellow Xel’Shorians, who are on the same mission as I and thus see the world very similarly; through the eyes of a psychopath, which means we see the world the same, but our interpretations are different, that is why the beneficent Wise-One’s sent us together. Anyway, before I go off at a further tangent than what I’ve already, let’s talk about how a blog character can confine you to what you write, how you write, what your view should be and how you should put it. Well, this could be a potential problem if you were an apple trying to write like an orange, or if you were a Mexican, trying to write about life as an Eskimo. There is a simple solution to that problem, write as you! Stop trying to be clever, cute and funny because you are going to end up neck high in a pit, with your head covered in honey surrounded by bears. I, unlike most Earthanoids, took my own advice and wrote in my own character. Admittedly, having to write certain things that our beloved Sim and Alette had thought up was a crippling factor to my creativity, however, it was not a complete hindrance as it taught me to grow as an individual, and learn to cope with others telling you what to do amongst doing what you want, C’est la vie (I swear no one forced me into saying this, can you blame me for getting a little sentimental?).

For once I have had little to complain about, and after looking back at my year, and this courses I have that wonderful old feeling of nostalgia. It has been a joy creating and working on this blog, I cannot think of any direct hindrances, and just thinking that what I have said on my blog is available to multitudes of Earthanoids across the planet gives me the warm fuzzy feeling a parent gets from seeing little Timmy going off to his first day in Grade 00. Thus not only do my thoughts and comments get hurtled across the globe at the speed of light, but I have learned a great deal about writing and what my perceived audience might want. I have grown as a thinking contributing “person” in society, as a journalist and in my creativity. Looking back this has been a fun and educational experience, which I’m very thankful to have been given the opportunity to partake in.

Madness Courses Through My Veins, Like Giant Radio-Active Rubber Pants...

Coming to a place such as Rhodes really exposes you to many types of view points, beliefs and cultures and you are forced to respect and tolerate them. Toleration is a good virtue to have, I agree that people should tolerate others, but it gets to a point where someone rubs their beliefs up and down your face till you want to slice their tongue off with a blunt pair of nail clippers.

One such view point seems to attract the sort of people who love to pick fights is feminism. Personally, I feel that women should be treated equally to men and they should not be belittled for being female, but some take feminism to a whole new level. A prime example is holding the door open for people; If someone follows you to a doorway and wishes to enter, I personally hold the door open for them, regardless if they are male or female, but some women decide to give me a mouthful on how I am degrading them by holding the door open, as this implies I view them as weak. This promptly makes me want to slam the open door into their faces and watch as they writhe around on the floor while their nose spouts out copious amounts of blood. What is happening to this world? Whatever happened to common courtesy? I don’t hold the door for people because I think they are weak, I do it to be polite!

Another view point many students have is that in order to wind down and de-stress from the weeks work is to waste a quarter of their pocket money getting so drunk that they cannot put together a coherent sentence, and then end the night by throwing up all they ate for supper and falling asleep. When did people start finding this behaviour acceptable or stress relieving? Firstly, it usually results in someone getting hurt or upset and secondly it just messes up your whole weekend! If they had rather chosen to buy a drink or two and get merry with their friends, they would wake up feeling fine, which will lead to them enjoying the Saturday instead of waking up at supper time with a splitting headache, knowing you have a mountain of work to catch up on Sunday. Does this sound fun? Does this sound stress relieving? I don’t think so. People should really find more constructive ways of having fun and better ways to spend their money. With the money they blew drinking, getting into Friars and buying complete strangers alcohol and cigarettes, they could have gone to the beach for the day or played paintball.

The final thing I have to complain about are certain members of our homosexual community who if asked to keep quiet for making a noise (this is just one example, but there are many) will immediately start telling me that I am homophobic and I’m telling them to keep quiet because they are gay. Once again my blood starts to boil and I want to grab the nearest rock and bash their ignorant, “you’re a gay-basher” card-pulling faces into the ground. Firstly, I ask anyone who is making excessive noise around me to be a little considerate and speak at a considerate noise level that does not hinder a person from hearing their own thoughts. Secondly, how can anyone misconstrue something so non-sexual into something which mocks their sexual orientation?

I could go on for hours at similarly stupid instances of people being morons, but that will get us nowhere. All I want to get across, is that people must stop victimising themselves, or using their differences to justify why they can do something wrong, or to get attention or even just to pick a fight. Respect peoples differences that include people who are not feminists, binge drinkers or heterosexuals. We all have the right to be what we want to be, so stop pushing your ideologies in my face and making me feel bad about mine.

III of III: Salvation or Annihilation

I apologise for my delay in writing the final piece of the prophecy. The only way I can try explain why there was this delay, is by telling you what I have just been through. Upon finishing translating the Himradoric scroll a portal opened up in front of my very eyes. I wish I could recount what my eyes witnessed there, but the Tallests have ordered me to not interfere with your worlds’ problems.

The end is close at hand; your fate is nearly sealed. I have said this before, you stand now at a cross road where one path leads to your species salvation and the other total annihilation. What I can do for you, however is describe the two possible endings in hope that you will make your choice more wisely.

Annihilation: The Earth is divided into 4 armies; each fighting for dominance of the planet. In the process of the war the Earth, it can only be described as dies... a great fire burns the world to cinders along with everything in it, and for millennia the Earth remains a smouldering planet of ash, dust and rock. Nothing grows, the sun remains blocked out by the smoke. Eventually the sun dies too, creating a vacuum that sucks your entire solar system in.

Salvation: The people of this planet see the error of their ways, peace reigns for a thousand years, and in that time every species on this planet is bred and placed on a massive star cruiser that has every environment known to this planet. Using the information told to you through the Himradoric scroll, you prepare to depart from this solar system to colonise deep space when the sun dies.

The rest I cannot say, I was not permitted to see further. I trust you will make the right choice...

I of III Prologue

There is a primal question in us all; the question of how everything will end. Recently I came across an ancient Himradoric scroll, left for the xel’shorian by the ancient Forerunner. These provided some answers to this question, however, I feel it is necessary for you all to hear the history that precedes this vision of the end. Your human race has run its course, you have burned, destroyed and wasted everything you were given. You spent your energy perusing selfish desires, partaking in immoral acts and squandering the planet that should belong to all that live in it. The Ancients knew this would happen, and they foresaw your fate. They left this one prophesy that I have translated for you, however, the last part is missing...

Two millennia shall life flourish
A world of spirits wrapped in rock and flame
And the Great Creator shall turn his head
To the destructive ways, of the once cherished

One Decade of evil and strife
The earth shall darken and none know why
The end now is nigh
For the children that burned their way

Three xel’shorians find the truth
And attempt to correct their ways
From their efforts hope is conceived
And their fate then rests in their own hands


The Forerunner, I think, left the last piece out because there are two possible endings. Either the human race ignores the warnings and annihilates themselves, or they try and change in order to ensure their survival.

I will continue to try and decipher these scrolls. Watch this space, my young initiates, and you will find the answers you need.

Dilemma of the motor heads

Recently I was given a car by my Tallests (Parents to you earth-a-noids) and I filled it with pathetic, inefficient, polluting earth fuel and made the slow and inefficient journey to Rhodes. My feeling of elation could not be matched, for I had successfully completed a 1500km journey and hit 8 pedestrians on the way, but this joy was short lived, for when I arrived at my destination I saw there was an increase in the amounts of earth grubs (some call them students) who now possessed various pathetic earth vehicles. This resulted in a parking crisis for yours truly. I attempted to purchase the services of one of the pariahs on the streets to make sure the parking I was eyeing would not fall into the hands of one of my inferiors. However the job was not completed successfully and I had to dispose of my parking slave. So on a clouded evening I disposed of the corpse in the reservoir to further contribute to the pollution levels of the water... Sorry, I seem to be straying off my topic. When you are blessed with superiority over a certain species you find more time to worry about these important issues in life such as parking. However, let me continue. Thus I have attempted many other brilliant plans to acquire parking, such as destroying some of these earth vehicles, but for each one I dispose of there are two more that try hustle my parking. Is there anyone out there with a solution to parking problems? I might just have to swallow my pride (Heaven forbid) and ask the institution to make more space for earth vehicles to park. Pft, get real, that will never happen!

Finding Light in Dark Places Whilst Admiring the Moon Light

And here I stand, wincing the night away and kissing the lipless, which is a constant beginning of everything. Knowing that caring is creepy and causes a weird divide when turning in a square. Girl sailors don’t need sea legs or sleeping lessons when a comet appears, the past the pending, your algebra. Red rabbits can’t teach the new slang, contradictory to popular belief, and as the split needles and phantom limbs turn on me black waves appear, one by one all day... and as the young pilgrims pass, Saint Simon, but mine’s not a high horse, I guess we are all just pressed in a book that winds down those chutes to narrow, oh inverted world, why does nature bear such a vacuum? Could we perhaps use pink bullets in Australia? We built a raft and we floated, can you not remember Pam Berry, and we fell into a winter slide. Alas my seventh rib is gone for good to those bold city girls. Girl inform me, is this truly the celibate life? Those to come is the girl on the wing, and there are no barking sparrows, only emptiness to dwell upon. In the end we’re just left eating sties from elephant’s eyes. So says I!

Some Good Advice From Foamy

Why is it that we always have to be ripped off by government? Why do we allow them to take our taxes and give it to these freshly graduated "experts" to run stupid experiments to tell us the obvious? Now I know you are probably going to say that it is due to the fact that all politicians have less creativity than amoeba on Saturn, and that may be true in most cases, but to be honest, the politicians who are actually martians in disguise are quite intelligent and diabolical. However, I found the perfect character, one of my closest friends actually who can provide even more insight into the matter... Everyone, wave your appendages in salute to FOAMY!