How to save a life

Ok, ok so swot week is coming up and we all know what that means for us Rhodents...parties! Excessive drinking to make up for the next 3 weeks of sobriety. And more situations in which you will possibly find yourself wanting out (maybe)! In this spirit, we present a guide to dealing with a drunk person, the signs to look out for, and how to handle the situation. Not Kill Them, But Actually Take Care Of Them.You’re welcome.

# 1 - RecognitionThe first step is to recognize someone who has had one too many, which is usually very easy to pick up on. These people tend to slur incoherently, bump into inanimate objects, and vomit at random intervals. If you see someone doing this, chances are they are drunk. If they’re doing this and they’re NOT drunk, then they probably have some sort of psychological issue, and you shouldn’t really be friends with them.

# 2 - DiscouragementThe next step in to discourage further drinking. Try distracting them, by punching them in the throat, or giving them a swift jab in the kidney area. This usually puts an end to any further drinking on their part. In severe cases, a stiff kick in the groin region may also be appropriate, although this tends to only work in male case studies.

# 3 - Mind GamesAt this point, you may also be able to get away with having fun at a drunk person’s expense, so hand them some water, and claim that it’s neat vodka. Chances are they won’t even notice, and you will have a good laugh as they pull faces downing the drink.

# 4 - PrecautionsDo your best to avoid them causing physical injury especially through falling on you. Tell them to stay at least five feet away from you and not to come any closer. If the person begins to heave try to help them to an appropriate place to vomit, such as the inside of their car, or in front of an attractive member of the opposite sex. One learns from extreme humiliation, and they will surely thank you for it the next morning.

# 5 - EncouragementOnce you tire of the neat vodka joke, encourage them to sip water with salt in it, as this will cause them to throw up alcohol. Make sure they are not lying down whilst throwing up, for risk of choking, causing you to have to then give them CPR, or something equally disgusting. Do you want to taste someone else’s vomit? Of course you don’t, so don’t let them lie down.

# 6 - HeroismIf you do find that the person is laying down when they begin to vomit, it’s important not to panic, but to calmly kick them in the solar plexus instead. They will then automatically assume the foetal or recovery position (on their side with the higher knee bent) to prevent choking. Congratulations, you have just saved a life.

# 7 - CompanionshipThis is the important part - DO NOT leave someone who is very drunk to fall asleep alone. Stay in the room with them - go through their wallet or read their private cell phone messages to keep you amused, but keep them in the room with you. Alternatively, you can also pair them up with a particularly ugly member of the opposite sex, allowing you to relentlessly mock them about it the next day.

# 8 - EvaluationCheck regularly to ensure they respond to being stirred. Say their name loudly, tell them their spouse is cheating on them, and look for a response. Watch the chest/abdomen for breathing movements. 12- 20 breaths per minute is normal.

# 9 - DiagnoseIf they are not breathing and are unresponsive to being prodded and pinched firmly they may have alcohol poisoning, or could possibly be dead. Blue lips, rapid pulse, cold clammy hands/ feet, and rigor mortis are the usual signs, although they may just be cold and stiff. Or happen to have blue lips for some strange genetic reason. The important thing is not to judge, just diagnose.

# 10 - ActIf you do spot these signs don’t panic - unless they are dead of course, in which case you probably should panic - and call an emergency number immediately. Explain the situation clearly.

# 11 - MonitorStay with the person, keep them warm and continue to monitor breathing. If a qualified first aider is available feel free to call on them for help whilst waiting for the ambulance.
# 12 - DelegateIf someone else is present, send them to direct the ambulance paramedics to your position.

Tips To Remember
Do not jeopardize your own health when looking after the person. Do not try to physically lift a drunken person or stop someone much larger than you falling down, as you may injure your back. Rather stand back and watch them fall, as when they are drunk, they are virtually indestructible.
If someone gets into a drunken state having taken in seemingly little alcohol they may be a lightweight and may be cruelly mocked for several weeks there-after. Of course, it’s also possible that their drink may have been spiked, but it’s more likely that they’re just a lightweight.
Telling the person the danger they put themselves in may stop them from over-indulging again, but it will also make you sound like a whiny Goody Two Shoes. Don’t do it.

Have a great weekend!
Lauren :D

Adapted from this article